What A Day!!
OK...so i was hoping today was going to get much better...i figured i had enough paper work piled up from the last 6 weeks of not being at work that maybe i could get away with sitting at my desk all day and not over working myself on my first day back. Boy was i wrong. The moment my boss got to work i was called in a meeting and asked what i am able and what i am unable to do within my job description. When i explained how i felt and what i would be able to do and how far i was willing to push myself, i was told that maybe i shouldn't be back at work yet since due to the fact that i can't work as hard as i want to they would need the person that was covering my shifts would have to stay in our office to help around with everything i can't do and there is no point of me being there if either way they need an extra hand. And then he ended our conversation by notifying me that i would be re-evaluated sometime next week depending on how much work i am able to do and if they believe i can be there without this extra person. So of course i don't want to lose my job so i ran around like crazy and pushed myself s far as my body would physically let me and worn myself out pretty badly. By the end of the day my feet felt like they had doubled in size and my stomach pains were unbearable...we will see how tomorrow goes, but at this point i am not too sure if it is worth putting myself through this much agony just to keep my boss to leave me alone....i'm keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow will only get better.

Back To Work

Well, it's monday, and as well my first day back at work after being out for a month and a half. I can already tell it is going to be a terrible day! Last night was terrible, my husband and i went to bed early so i could be well rested for today but i only got about 45 minutes of sleep. I was having my ligament pains all night long. Then the ride to work was terrible, my stomach doesn't do well in the car so as soon as my husband dropped me off at work this morning a started getting morning sickness. I'm hoping the rest of the day goes by very fast so i can go home and sleep. I keep reminding myself that this is all worth it for the prize at the end! Have a good Monday everyone!

Baby Count Down

Need to vent a little otherwise i am gonna go crazy!!! So my dad called the other day, i rarely speak to him. we never had a really good relationship and i now know that we never will. Anyway...so he called the other day just to tell me that having this baby was a mistake and that obviously i didn't think about what i was doing and didn't consider my husband and how i have now ruined his life by getting pregnant....i told him that it was enough that i wasn't feeling well and the last thing that i need at the moment is to talk to him, and he proceeded to make it known how he felt and how i was stupid for not taking care of myself and how i am bringing a child into this world when i have health issues.....i let him know that i wasn't having health issues and that i was pregnant and my body was just not handling it very well. I really wanted to say a lot more to him and let him know how i will at least be a loving parent and treat my child the way he/she deserves to be treated, but i felt that knowing my dad had just lost his mother i better be the bigger person this time. Cuz i know that when he deserves to be told that he is a bad parent i am the first one to tell him. I even told him the night before my wedding that i did not want him at my wedding and he didn't deserve to share that happy moment with the rest of my family and friends. And he still showed up but i just kept my mouth shut cuz our arguing had really started affecting my sister. My sister just turned 17 and i really can't wait till next year when she can move out of his house. But anyway....since that phone call with him i have really been feeling like shit so i felt the need to vent....i think that it is cuz i try not to tell him how i feel so i think about what i wanted to tell him and it drives me crazy cuz afterwards i really wish i had told him off....i was actually considering calling him today and telling him off but i figured if i at least wrote out how i felt i would feel a little better and as weak as i am talking to him would probably make me feel worse at this moment.

So I thought i had been starting to feel better a little bit and was even maybe ready to go back to work after missing 3 weeks already......my pains weren't too bad and i wasn't vomiting as much, until the last few days......all the sudden the dizziness got worse and if i stood up for too long i started seeing spots and my vision was getting really blurry, and the abdominal pains were so much sharper and intense. Last night i basically cried myself to sleep the pains were so bad. And on Sunday night i tossed and turned all night because i was so uncomfortable from the pains. Just as i thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel things start to feel worse. And of course to help out the situation, this morning i received a phone call from my job's disability center and they feel like i don't have a good enough of a reason to be out of work for the last 3 weeks even though i have a doctor's note and i have been hospitalized and can barely walk let alone stand up straight. So basically, the last 3 weeks of work that i missed are inexcusable.....what nonsense!! Things just don't want to work out for me these days!! I know that i need to go to work because of the financial situation we are in, but is it worth to jeopardize my health or even the babies? Well....starting to not feel so great, so i think i am going to go take a nap.

A little about myself....I'm 21 years old and have lived in Southern California for a good portion of that time. About 4 1/2 years ago I met my husband. We started out as friends and married exactly 4 years after we met. He is who makes me who I am. He truely is my other half. We got married on Sept. 3, 2006 and a few weeks later found out that we were pregnant!!
Well now 16 weeks pregnant and i thought this was going to be the best time ever! I thought that it was going to be such an amazing feeling knowing that there is a life growing inside you and boy was i wrong...at least so far!! I am hoping that i will feel better soon because i would love to enjoy every moment of being pregnant!! For the last 16 weeks i have mostly been on bed rest or going to the ER. My poor husband has had to deal with me and i feel so terrible for him. He has been so amazing helping me get through this rough time!! I love you babe!!! I couldn't do this without you by my side!!!